I pray the Lord my soul to take

Been thinking a lot about death lately. Mostly, I imagine, because a fellow baby loss momma passed this last week. News spread fast through the community about her death. She was the mom of eight living children and 3 heavenly  babies. It is said that she died in her sleep, so peacefully, just never to wake on this plain again. I have to admit there was a little jealousy. I can not lie. I bet I'm not alone if others were to be truthful too. There are moments on the grief journey that you wish to be with your child, no matter the cost. So there was a tiny instance that I felt just a little jealous that she was holding her babies and I was not. That passes. It should pass! If it doesn't, you need to talk to someone about how you are feeling and get help moving through your grief.

When I was younger, I mean YOUNGER, I used to imagine, what if I died? Would anyone care? Who would come to the funeral? Imagining my closest friends from school would come see me off and probably not many more. But if you know me at all, you know my favorite all time movie is It's A Wonderful Life. In the movie Clarence tells George that one man's life touches so many others. That if he had not been there to save his little brother, his little brother wouldn't have been there to save those he did. I think we often forget how many lives we touch in a day. That is exactly why I ask you to share your heart. Every time you share your heart you are touching another life. You may never know the impact you have made but it may mean the world to that person. It could mean life and death.

I don't feel the same way I did as a teenager struggling to find her place, wondering if I was cared for, or if anyone would show at my service. Those things are not important to me any more. Thank God! I guess I've grown up a bit. After I lost my babies I became more concerned with what they think, how they see me, are they proud of me? That is how I live my life now. Hopefully in a way that pleases God and my children for they know all and see all and there is no way to hide who I am from them. I don't wish to fall asleep and never wake up anymore. I ask to suffer so that my family can say goodbye and have closure. I cherish my pain, I praise my suffering. All of these, just blessings in disguise to get me closer to where my journey will truly begin...eternity.

So if you know me when I die, or even if you don't, say a prayer for me. Pray that I am worthy to be with my children. Pray that my work is done. Pray for my family to have peace. Pray the Lord my soul to take.

Photo-a-Day Challenge [January Recap]

I lovve taking pictures. Always have. I've heard people talk about a 365 photo challenge to take a picture a day for the entire year but I thought WOW I like taking pics but that seems a bit overwhelming. I knew I would forget, or there would be something in the way of me fulfilling the challenge. Well that all changed at the beginning of the year when I came across one of my favorite bloggers [House of Smiths] talking about the Photo-a-Day challenge  and how she was going to participate with some cool ideas. Ok, hooked! It got better because Chantelle from fatmumslim took the guess work out of the pic taking. She gave us prompts for the month and that made it seem even more fun. Then I wouldn't be just taking 30 pics of my cat, my son, the sky. You know! Admittedly, I was a little slack for the end of the month and had to play catch up. I WILL DO BETTER IN FEBRUARY!

So here is my contribution for January. Again, I lovvve this!

So why not join me and lots of other fun people documenting their lives one day at a time. Here is the prompt list for February. C'mon, join in. It's never too late.

Ooops, almost forgot. I am still so disgusted that Picnik is closing down in April. Every time I think about it, it makes me just a little sick to my stomach. It is sooo user-friendly and can really do so much, I just love it. I have avoided Google+ for a while now only to find out the Picnik will be incorporated into +'s new tools. I am absolutely sure it will not be the same and frankly I don't care to join another social media outlet JUST to edit my photos. A wonderful photog mentor of mine Beryl {who feels the same way about Picnik}has found a new photo editing site called Pixlr and she is going to be having a cool webinar next week with some special tips on how to use it. Be sure to register here cause only 100 lucky people can come.