The taboo is in the "Secret"

I promised I would blog about my feelings on ABC Family's "Secret Life..." episode that aired last night. SO here goes. Let's remember that what I will say is about how the show made me feel, about how I perceived the show and how I feel they tackled baby loss. That being said, right off I will give them a B- on their performance. I am not a regular of this program, I have passed by and stopped but, until last night, never watched a full episode. I have no emotional connection to the characters and that may alter the way I feel the episode in general. Oh, and before I forget, I did not have a stillbirth. My daughter was born alive and fought hard for two days. That too may skew my view, HA I rhymed! I do have friends that have suffered through stillbirth so I have a little understanding of the process. 


Initially I was a little turned off by the way the Dr seemed to "know" the baby was gone before an exam was ever done. Skip ahead to a young man sobbing in the hallway, him looking over his young wife as she lays in bed  emotionless and obviously no longer pregnant. So where was the exam, featuring the ultrasound and confirmation of your worst nightmare. Those words engraved to the minds and hearts of so many families, "I'm sorry, there is no heartbeat, your baby has passed". Where was the induction, the labor, the physical and emotional pain of having to labor and deliver a baby that you know will never take a breath and cry out. And all of this 'non-happening" seem to take about 8-10 hours of the day. The fact that they did not once use the word "Stillborn". 


What did I like? I like that ABC was brave enough to "go there" even if it was not to the extent of what I would have like to seen. That the young mother expressed that she did nothing wrong, the Drs told her it was not her fault. The extended family and later the friends showing such remorse for this baby that was obviously very loved. 


Now, I've heard that on the show's Facebook page there have been mixed reviews. I went there to get the link but I will not read the page. Some of the things I have heard are that people didn't understand why the grandparents were so upset, that this was a stupid show to do "like this ever happens" just to name a couple. HA HA HA did you get that last one? Oh yea, it happens and it happens a lot!! The general public is ignorant to babyloss. I'm not being cruel or overly sensitive. The meaning of the word is "lacking in knowledge; uninformed; unaware". They just don't know until it happens to them. I was ignorant too!


After considering the remarks I've heard on the FB page, I can understand better why ABC did not delve into the more intimate parts of this loss. There is a fine line for them to tell a story without completely alienating their current viewer ship. I found this article from 2009 that states one of their target demographics is the 12-17 age group. Don't even get me started about a 12yr old watching a TV show about girls and boys having sex and getting pregnant! I commend ABC on it's efforts and perhaps another, more adult program, should tackle this loss in the way it can really be brought to light. Brought to light so people will understand the gravity of the loss better, the grief that will never go away, the fact that your life is different now and will never be quite the same ever again and how you will NEVER get over it!! One thing is for sure, there is still a lot of work to be done. The taboo of baby loss has gone on for far too long. Education and perseverance are key. My babies are not a dirty little secret!