When I thought I had enough on my plate...

Had some surprises yesterday. Not of the baby type but definitely of the grief type. There was a bit of an altercation with an old friend this past week and I found out a few days ago that she had de-friended me. I was hurt just because it seemed like there was no communication and I felt she was a close close friend. Yesterday I was DF'd by two mutual friends that I also considered good friends. My mind was reeling with what felt like betrayal and the lack of communication. Obviously the love I felt for them was one-sided and that is always hard to find out. In the end I have realized that a couple of us had very different opinions on things and I'm not at all sure that part of their leaving was that I often mention my babies on my FB page. I realized that the loss of a friend even on FB is a loss and where it is nothing like losing my child, I still feel a sense of loss over the relationship. So even a little bit of grief for the little losses really magnifies the bigger ones. I was feeling sad for losing a friendship that I cherished and at the same time sad that I would never have that loving relationship with my child. What some people easily throw away was something that I would nearly die to have with my child. If  it's true that they were somehow offended by me talking about MY children on MY page well then I have been given a great gift. I do not talk about my children to make other people uncomfortable, I talk about them because it is my right as their Mother!

So on a lighter note, let's continue to on our 31 Days challenge.

Day 4: Through your grief process what has kept you going?
In the beginning, after losing Bailey, I would have to say just pure will. Not that I knew it at the time. I felt like I had no will to do anything. Obviously I made it through the most difficult days and on to better ones. Today, I would say the what keeps me going the most is 1) my son! and 2) wanting to live a life that makes my children {all of them} proud of me.