Days 10 & 11

We had to make a kind of impromptu trip out of town Sunday and came back last evening. More than 10hours of driving for just an over-nite visit but it was worth it.

Day 10: If you have Rainbows or older children do they know and remember your angel(s)?
Matthew is my rainbow. As I mentioned before, we have always told him about Bailey. He was 4 almost 5 when I lost Christian and just kinda knew that 'the baby' had gone to Heaven and would not be able to grow in my tummy and stay with us. That Christian was with Bailey and they were playing. When I finally came to terms with losing Alyssa so long ago, we sat down and talked about that as well. That what happened to Christian is what happened to Alyssa and that all of his siblings live with Jesus. He is quite open about it all, if any of his friends ask if he has siblings, he is more than willing to tell them that they live in Heaven.

Day 11: It is said that Mothers and Fathers grieve differently. Do you feel this is true with your angels' father?
I think so. As far as the miscarriages, it is definitely true for us. I know that he still grieves the missed opportunities and the dreams that won't be realized but he never got to 'connect' with them the way I did. He misses them and loves them but it's just a little different for him. With Bailey, he probably spent more time with her than I did. That's a good thing. After she passed his reaction was to go straight to denial and put anything and everything that reminded him of her out of his mind. Unfortunately, that meant me too for a while. I reminded him of her when he just wanted to forget. He soon realized that he could never forget nor did he really want to and I was not a reminder of what he had lost but of what I had given him. I believe there is nothing else that can bring a man to his knees in despair then the death of his child.