Ooops Days 8 & 9

What I thought was going to be a nice quiet weekend has turned a little busy but a good busy. Catching up from yesterday though, here goes.

Day 8: Do you feel you have more good days than bad ones?
I definitely have more good days than bad. Of course, there is always something that brings you back to that bad place but thankfully even the bad place is much shorter lived. Of course, my journey is further along than many. Bailey, where my journey really began, will be 16 in just 21 more days. Reading a friend's blog yesterday, I was reminded that healing is a choice. It really is an effort on your part to move past the pain and move toward peace. There will always be circumstances that bring you back to the depths but with continued faith, you can fight your way back much quicker. That being said, 3 weeks away from by baby's birthday brings me back to holding her in my arms and the continued effort to remember that feeling. To never forget it!

Day 9: If you have other children, how has your loss affected them? If you don't have other children, how has your loss affected your relationship with your partner?
I will answer both parts because when we had Bailey we had no other children. That loss was very significant in our marriage. Of course we lost our child, we were devastated. Our marriage suffered, trying to escape each other was a way to distance the pain of losing her. That didn't really work. It was difficult for a long time and for a while there, I was really unsure we would survive. Ultimately we came together, grieved together, and stayed together. This year we celebrated 21 years together, 17 years married.
We always talked to Matthew about Bailey. I firmly believe she was there with him until he was born and given to us. She protected him and I feel like on some level he knew her. From the very beginning we would take him to the cemetery with us and when he was old enough, it became his job to pick out the flowers. Sometimes they weren't the prettiest flowers but that was what he wanted for her, so it was perfect. He would go to a restaurant and get a balloon and get others for his siblings and send them off to Heaven when we got out of the restaurant. He is a special, sensitive boy and to me that is all thanks to the guidance he receives from up above.