Am I Speaking to YOU?

I was reminded tonight how really far away I am from the deep deep darkness I once felt. I am in constant praise for that.

However, I realize that babies are lost everyday, lots of them sadly. It makes me cry to think that someone, lots of someones, are out there at this very moment suffering a pain that no one ever ever wants to feel.

I guess this post is for you, if you are one of those people. I want to speak to you.

You may have found my blog from many other blogs that I link up with, or through Facebook, or maybe even from a babyloss website.

You may read my posts and think I'm crazy.
You may feel like I have no heart that I am able 'go on' the way I do.
You may click away.

I want you to know though that

I have been there
I have felt that pain and still do
I have been numb
I have been scared and scarred
I have wanted to scream as loud as I could and did
I have cried and cried until there were no more tears and wondered how that was even possible
I have been angry
I have been jealous
I have wanted to dig my baby girl from her grave to hold her just one more time
I have hated to go out in public
I have been bitter
I have burst into tears at the sight of a frilly Easter dress
I have wondered why her and not me

The list is endless really. What I'm trying to say is that I understand where you are at if you have just lost your baby. I understand that reading about someone that is at peace and has hope and joy in her life again can feel so far away, and maybe even plain stupid. Please remember though that I was there, where you are right now, I was there and I remember.

You are welcome here anytime, when YOU are ready, you can come back here and I pray you can find some hope in my words. In your time.

I am linking up with a wonderful blog Dear Finley, please join us