Thursday, June 30, 2011

Goodbye June

Wow, June has been a rough one for me. What makes it even worse is I didn't expect it at all. June is never been a particularly hard month before. I guess this year it was filled with missed milestones and that is what was making it hard.

I believe it was the 3rd that I was quiet and still and just thinking about random things when a thought entered my mind. Christian would be turning 5 this year, in June! I celebrate him in October on the 1st because October 1, 2005 was the last day I knew positively, without a doubt that I was pregnant with him. I calculated his due date to be in mid-July of 2006 and thought of how miserable I would be physically come July but I knew that he would be a scheduled c-section baby just as Matthew had been and that meant we were looking at mid to late June for our little baby to make his entrance. So suddenly, out of no where, I realized my little man would have been turning five and just burst into tears. He would be starting Kindergarten in the fall. I'm not sure how many people know this about me but I absolutely love to go school supply shopping. I loved school growing up, I loved shopping for my supplies and I still love it with Matthew. Matthew, especially at his current age, is not nearly as excited as I am to go play with pencils and glue. Oh the joys of taking a newbie to pick out lunchboxes and backpacks. I know we would have had a blast.

Of course that got me thinking about Alyssa and Bailey too. Alyssa is a little harder since I don't have exact dates for her but we call it Dec 1st and so she would have been a September baby just like her Momma and she would be 20 this year. Now Bailey, that's another story altogether. More tears, even now. She would have her learner's permit and be looking forward to getting her real license in October. Of course had she gone to term that would be February but she is the only one of my angel babies that has a birthday, a real birth date! October 30, 1995.

So many milestones this year. Memories that won't be captured on film, even if it is of the digital type. Lost cherished moments in time that I can only dream of. So, goodbye June!

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