New Year New Blog

I started this blog a few years ago when I started my FB page to help express my grief and share experiences with others. This last year I wrote a total two whole posts! WOW! It's not that I haven't wanted to write but it just doesn't feel right. My grief has evolved. I'm not sure lessened is the right word cause truly I'm not sure it lessens or if the joy that is found is able to over-power it. I don't believe there is any way to completely be grief free because there will always be times on the calendar that are harder than others. Heck, there are just moments sometimes that catch you off guard and there you are again standing in the middle of Walmart's baby section with a tear on your cheek.

My grief is not all-consuming. That is a good thing, it means my heart is healing and the things that used to rip into me don't anymore, or at least with the depth they used to. I have joy, and hope, and faith, in my heart again. I choose to celebrate my life as a survivor, a survivor of the worst pain imaginable. In that, I celebrate my babies too! When I do, it's like I have given them life all over again. They get to experience the joys I experience and not watch me in pain. I know they do not want that for me.

So I find myself wanting to update the blog. I want it to be more of a celebration of survival than a gloomy place of despair and wallowing. It will still be centered around the loss of my babies but not all about them and my grief. Not that I necessarily believe any of you will be jumping to hang on my every word but I hope that you will be able to relate with a life that has known pain and darkness but has chosen to seek light.

I will be changing the look of the blog and maybe the title. HA once I figure out how to use Blogger again. And I hope you will join me. My FB page will always remain a place of hope to the babyloss community. Sure I could have just started a new blog but I figured this transition is about me and my grief and so just like I can't just start a new life without my grief, I can not start a new blog either. My grief is always present just not so in my face.

Look for changes coming soon. Look for posts about all kinds of different things. I hope you will see there is joy and peace to be had in this life without losing that part of you that connects with your baby. You are a survivor too!