Fear!

Fear has it's place. It can keep you safe in a dangerous situation. But fear can paralyze you as well, keeping you from your dreams, aspirations, and life!

After I had Bailey I was so afraid to get pregnant again because I was afraid of the unknown. The Drs said it was rare to have Eclampsia and HELLP as early as I had it and it would likely happen again. There were steps that could be taken, meds to try, but there were no guarantees and THAT was what I was looking for. I wanted a guarantee for sure that my next pregnancy would go to term without issue and I would deliver and bring home a healthy baby.

"The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek." ~ Joseph Campbell

I did just that. A pretty much perfect pregnancy that gave me what would be my only living child. However the fear I had kept me from realizing that sooner. And time would close my little window to have more children. If only I had not been so afraid to try again sooner perhaps I would have had more living children.

I struggle with fear everyday. Not the kind of fear I had with Bailey but a fear I'm sad to say of not being good enough. Yes, I know the only person I need to please is God. That I should only be worried about judgement from Him. Yet, I am human and I do struggle with how I am perceived and how I will be judged by others. I rarely put myself 'out there' for fear of failure. I am working on this. How can anyone love my work if they never see it? How will I ever know if I'm good enough if I don't show you what I can do? See I know all this stuff and yet sometimes it is easier to cave to the fear!

(photo from Choose Happiness) 

So I have a trip coming up and I am scared. I mentioned that I was nervous, but that's only part true. I am scared to come out from behind the computer and meet people who may have thought of me in a certain way only to find out who I really am. I am scared I will get sick while I'm there and ruin any opportunity to do the things I really want to do. THIS is what keeps leaking in my mind and wanting me to cancel my plans and just stay home.

I AM NOT LISTENING TO YOU! 

I AM going to Houston. 

I WILL have a fantastic time. 

I WILL meet some amazing ladies. 

I AM a fluffy girl but I WILL rock it all the way. 

I WILL have fun!

I will NOT get sick!

I will NOT be self-conscious about by body image!

I will NOT let any insecurities I have hinder sharing myself with others!

This IS my promise!

(photo from Choose Happiness)