Saying goodbye...for now

Sixteen years ago today...was the day of my daughter's burial. No parent should ever have to say those words. There is not a whole lot I remember about this day. I wasn't on the meds anymore so I guess it has been stuck deep into my mind where it can not hurt me. Somehow the not remembering seems just as bad as the remembering. I didn't know what to wear. What do you wear to your child's funeral? I had just bought a maternity dress, just a little pull over type jumper. It was a dark navy plaid. That's what I wore. We pulled up to the grave site and I saw my cousin there. He is the only person I remember seeing there. Of course there were more family present but it seems like a big crowd of people with empty faces. The priest began to speak and the only thing I recall was him saying that my baby girl had gone to Heaven but not as an angel but as a Saint and that I would be with her again someday. That's it. The whole service, that's all I got. One cousin and one comment.

Tomorrow I will be reflecting back on Bailey's life and death. What she brought to our family and how she has changed my life. <3 Bailey Noel Desjarlais <3